I thought it would be good to focus on skills and perspectives that I as a parent need to work on personally. These are areas that aren’t discussed a lot in parenting forums. And I have found that I tend to beat myself up over my inadequacies. This made me feel hopeless because I didn’t know what positive traits I could use to replace the toxic ones.

The answers I was looking for I found, thankfully, in the Total Transformation program. It was as if Dr. Lehman looked right inside me and pointed out the areas that were blocking my abilities to parent my kids well. These were things that made my parenting fail more than I wanted.

A Change is in the Air

I’d like to show you a few effective parenting tips that gave me results right away.

1. Family business. When problems arise with the kids, handle it in a semi-formal business-like way. Better put, try to control your emotions as much as possible. This gives you the control, really wild but true. If you can keep the perspective that taking your child’s behavior personally will not help, you will be more effective.

2. Transition time. I like this one. Have a deal with your kids that when you get home from work, there is a 10-15 minute “transitional time” where nothing is discussed. This goes both ways because the kid needs a chance to reenter into the family when he gets home. It allows you to both catch up on things from the day and plus a chance to wind down a bit without being bombarded with questions and problems.

3. Responsible love vs unconditional love. There is some confusion here as we have always been told to love our children unconditionally. However, that is an emotional love and not a responsible love. This will lead your child to feel unsafe and unloved. A child feels loved when you set rules and are in charge.

4. Replacement and reciprocity. Be prepared to give your child replacement appropriate behaviors. Mention the rewards and mutual benefits of dealing with the situation appropriately. This works much better than yelling “stop”. It does however require some thinking ahead as well as some creative thinking.

The list does go on and so do the areas we as parents can find room for improvement. This is imperative if effective parenting skills were not the norm for you as kids. Don’t fear these changes. The caring, open relationship you will receive from your kiddos will be priceless.

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