First of all understand that emotions are here to serve us. Emotions tell us what is going on and makes life more interesting and colorful. Emotions are like signals and warning signs. For example when we feel angry it shows that something is not right. When we feel frustrated it means that things can be better. And so on.

However it is when we become too emotional or easily influenced by emotions that problems start to arise.

Never ever avoid, ignore or pent up your emotions. Whenever you have any emotions, you should acknowledge it’s existence and give it the attention it needs. Try to understand the message that the emotion is trying to tell you. And then try your best to respond to that emotion’s message in the best way possible.

Your emotion is not the enemy, it is the messenger. It tells you of the bad news, it is not The bad news. Remember that.

Here are steps to handle and control your emotion:

1. Break the pattern and disassociate

Whenever you feel a rush of emotions, immediately disassociate from it. Don’t let it overcome you and don’t indulge in the emotion. Rather, quickly break the pattern of the emotion and don’t make it personal. Step outside yourself and be like an external party observing what is happening.

The important thing is to make sure you do it immediately. This prevents the emotion from gaining momentum and becoming stronger.

One way to break the pattern is by doing, saying or thinking something totally unexpected, unrelated and bizarre. This jolts the brain so much that it losses the intensity of the emotion. The initial power of the emotion is drained away.

2. Get curious about the message of the emotion

After disassociating yourself from the emotion and situation, you will be in a neutral state. Once this happens, ask yourself a few questions to objectively assess the situation. For example ;

What emotions did I feel just now?

What happened a moment ago?

What does this imply?

Why did I feel this way?

In order to feel this way, what did I have to believe?

For me to feel better, what needs to happen?

Try to stay curious when asking those questions. Don’t get personal about it. When asking those questions, use a questioning curious tone to help keep yourself in a curious state.

Going through those questions neutrally helps you find the message behind the emotion and why you are experiencing it. You will be clear on why you feel that way, and what you would want instead. When you’re overcome with emotion, you will not be able to identify the root of the problem.

3. Make a decision on what to do

Now that you’ve gotten yourself in a neutral state and assessed the situation objectively, it’s time to decide how to respond to the situation and what are the actions that you can take. It may doing something, communicating with someone or just changing your perception and mindset.

By staying neutral and disassociated from whatever emotions, you will know that you have come up with an objective solution to the situation.

Use those 3 steps to help in controlling emotions. Like many things, controlling emotions is a matter of habit. It will be harder at first but the more you practice it, the easier it becomes. Do it consistently and it will become a natural habit to respond to any negative emotion in an empowering manner.

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